so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
