I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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