is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
