thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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