I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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