The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
