My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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