Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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