best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
