My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
