Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
