I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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