This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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