The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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