The maid of honor just puked.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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