i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
