Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
