I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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