Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
