I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
