hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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