I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
