the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
