Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
