We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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