My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
