Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i love accidental penises.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
