My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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