my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i came on her dog
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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