idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
