are you still at the devil's house?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
