Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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