The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
