If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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