Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
