he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
