somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
