I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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