Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
