you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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