Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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