lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I puked a lego.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize