I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
