Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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