We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think I just sharted jello shots
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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