I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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