i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
