I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize