I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
