Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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