I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
