And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize