The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
