This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
