If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
