JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
