Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
