Your face is a jimmy john
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
