either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
