My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
