every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
