The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
