The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
not ubering you a puppy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
