; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
