i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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