You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
