He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
