I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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