girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
