WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
