When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
