I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this just has baby written all over it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
