How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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