So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
3 2 1 whiskey
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
