bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize