You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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