You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
