dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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