just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
