wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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