"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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