Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
