i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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