the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
