U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am naked and annoyed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize