I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
