tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
