Those balls look pretty dangerous.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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