My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
