your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
