we have officially lost it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
