Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
