dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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