Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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