Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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