She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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