I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
