What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I smell like Dick and happiness
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