I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
