My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
