im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
