i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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