She's JV to your varsity
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
