only if we run a train.
done.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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